Tulum

One of the first things visitors at the Tulum archeological site notice is the abundance of iguanas.  With the ancient Mayans gone, they have overtaken the area and are now the only permanent residents.  I'm not sure what was going on here.  The large iguana was biting the neck of the smaller one while another iguana became really violent and bit the large one repeatedly.

Although Tulum is similar to the other Mayan ruins in Mexico, it's location atop a cliff, overlooking the Caribbean Sea, makes it strikingly beautiful.

The Mayans lived here between 2000 and 1500 A.D.  The main building is Pyramid El Castillo which is perched on the highest point.  It functioned as a religious and astrological center.  The Great Palace, featured here, has been well restored, even with the thatch rooftop in place. 

We asked a guy to take our picture.  He took a couple, and then Radek told him to take one more where he kissed me.    "I don't know this man," I said.

They laughed and asked where we were from.  I said the U.S. and

Radek said Germany.  The guy looked surprised and asked, "Oh, you two really don't know each other?"

The Temple of the Frescoes had various pictures of people and animals on it.  While we were observing it, I said, "Hey, look at the snake."  
Radek peered at the stone wall and said, "I don't see it."
"No, it's an actual snake."

The vendors in Tulum were really aggressive.  They shout out, "Hello, my friend.  Something for you?"  Then, they held out random trinkets such as an obsidian sculpture of a jaguar or a gaudy luchador mask.  One day, we were walking toward a row of small tiendas, and a shopkeeper saw a very large and very white man heading towards him.  Still some distance away, he grabbed a large straw hat and held it in the air.  We all laughed because it was so perfect.

This was a cultural experience on multiple levels.  Not only did I enjoy the food, music, and traditions of Mexico, but I learned about a German's point of view as well.  I am certain I annoyed Radek with my constant questions, but I can't help it.  I'm American.  After sampling nachos, a taco, burrito, and guacamole, Radek said, "It's all the same ingredients, just a different presentation." 

One night, I suggested eating a crepe or churro before tacos.  Always the practical German, Radek scolded me and explained that we should not eat dessert first.  I told him they were appetizers. 
"Didn't your mother ever tell you to finish your dinner before having sweets?"
"My mother told me lots of things I ignore."

Pole Flyers are a popular attraction in many cities.  They climb the ladder to the top of the pole, play music with drums and pan pipes, then descend by wrapping a rope around their leg and spinning their way down to the ground. 

Playa del Carmen

Warm sun.  Blue sky.  Tropical breeze.  All this made the red-eye flight to Cancun on Spirit Airlines (which does not have reclining seats or free water) worth it.  We hopped on a bus to Playa del Carmen.  There was a girl in the seats next to us, and it took only a few minutes for a male traveler to descend upon her, vulture-like.  He plopped down uninvited and began an exhausting monologue about himself, his extensive travels, and his greatness.
"What?  You're only here for one week!" he exclaimed.  "Oh, you have to stay longer in order to really DO Mexico." 
He stated this in that particularly annoying way people have when their main purpose for travelling is to gather a list exotic locals with which to impress friends and random girls on buses. 
"You HAVE to do Akumal!" he gushed.  "It's like a European beach with couches on the sand."
Radek turned around, and asked briskly, "Which beach in Europe?"
"Uuhhhh..."  Stammer.  "That's a good question."  He tried to laugh it off, but the damage was done.
"It must be some other Europe," Radek concluded.
Mr. Know-It-All quickly went back to his seat, and all three of us burst out laughing.
Radek declared, "I just destroyed a half hour of bull shit with one sentence."

When we arrived at our hotel in Playa del Carmen, the woman at the front desk was completely confused by our arrival.  I had made a reservation weeks prior, but this was brand new information for her.  I love Mexico. 
Radek asked, "Does the room have A.C.?"
"I don't know.  Umm...it has a fan."
"Are you trying to kill me?"
After unpacking some stuff, we looked around the room.  There was a weird painting with a naked woman with wild black hair.  A large snake was slithering around her body, and she was holding a cat.  The wardrobe had exactly one hanger, and one of the lights and a fan didn't work. 
"Don't put toilet paper in the toilet," I warned.
"Is that entirely necessary?"
"Only if you don't want to clog the toilet."
"That is really unsanitary."
"Is this the shittiest hotel you've ever stayed in?"
"Yes."

Radek finds it strange that Americans constantly engage in small talk with strangers.  We say "Hello" and ask "How are you" to people as we pass by.
"Don't Germans make small talk?"
"With friends or family, but only for a short time."
"Then what do you talk about?"
"Work."
"You don't do small talk with strangers?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because if you ask someone how they are doing, then they might actually answer you."
Radek tells me that I make "big talk" because I make small talk for a long time.  But, I'm just being polite.
                    
Radek has learned that I'm a thief.  I steal things all the time.  Napkins.  Food.  Utensils.  Spices.  Bags.  I pilfer things when nobody is looking.  Later, when I produce a stolen item, such as a knife for peeling a mango, he wonders where I got it.  One night, after slyly grabbing a handful of limes from a food cart, he declared, "I'm glad you're on my side."

We found the local market and stocked up on avocadoes, nuts, mangoes, and some other snacks.  The selection of chili peppers was like a fiery rainbow. 

During the first week, we spent the days at the beach, alternating between relaxing under an umbrella and swimming in the ocean.  I read books, and Radek played Sudoku.  At the end of the day, the fishermen would return, and the men began the long process of brining the boat ashore.  They placed long cylinders under the boat to slide it easier, but it still took a great deal of sheer manpower to pull it.  One day, the waves had moved the sand in such a way that it created a small hill, making it especially difficult.  The men kept counting, "Uno, dos tres," and pulled with all their strength.  The boat refused to budge.  It was both funny and pitiful.  Finally, Radek got involved in the tug-of-war.  Boat=0.  Giant German=1. 

Living the Dream

No visit to America is complete without a trip to Walmart.  Around the world people not only know of this store, but more importantly they know about its customers.  As we were leaving Radek asked, "Is it perfectly safe for me to take my entire wallet?  I don't need to hide it?" 

On the way, we stopped at the library, so I could drop off a highly intellectual book about critical thinking.  I returned to find Radek giggling and pointing.  "What?" I asked.  When he pointed, I suddenly saw the world through his eyes.  I had just walked past this truck twice without giving it a second thought, but upon reflection, it was pretty funny.  I mumbled something about the creativity of rednecks. 

I could see the slight disappointment on his face when we entered.  He said, "They are just regular Americans."   As the expert on American culture, I am able to answer his many questions. 
"Do people really wear pajamas in public?"  "Do black people really like chicken?" 
It didn't take long until we saw a woman wearing a shower cap.  I explained that she had curlers in her hair and was covering them.  "Why doesn't she just do that at home?"  Well, after all, it's just Walmart.

His favorite part of the visit was watching a woman try to wedge herself into a motorized cart.
Radek asked, "And the pole is to let others know she is coming?" 
"No.  The pole is to prevent her from leaving the store with it.  The pole is taller than the door." 
This caused such an outburst of laughter on his part that I knew our visit was finally a success. 

We went to Papago Park to hike for a few hours.  Radek commented, "This is what I imagined of the southwest."  After he took about 50 photographs of rather mediocre cacti, I informed him that we would see many more much substantial specimens. 

He was surprised at the size of Phoenix and that there were mountains - in the middle of the city.  We watched planes continually fly into Sky Harbor.  He laughed at all the air traffic and said, "Look.  Two fly in at the same time." and shook his head.

I played tour guide and provided Radek with way more information that he wanted about the landscape, plants, and history.  He mostly just wanted to take pictures of the "plant with needles that has arms."  We learn a lot from each other.  I taught him the words, "saguaro and palo verde."  He taught me the term, "handyman cleavage."  I taught him the verb form of the word "hump."  It was highly intellectual.

In preparation for our culinary adventure in Mexico, we made tacos.  Tahoe has bonded well with his fellow carnivore, particularly one who shares his food.  Even Greta started begging when she saw the turkey.  While eating the messy tacos, Radek picked it up, chowed down, and licked his fingers.  Then, he announced solemnly, "I have lost my dignity." 

The following day, we drove up South Mountain to the summit where I intended to show Radek a lovely view of the Phoenix Metropolitan area.  Naturally, this was one of the few days it rained, and the view was rather disappointing.  However, Radek had the rare opportunity to experience the enchanting smell of creosote during rain in the desert. 

Afterwards, we went to Subway for lunch.  In his quest to try all things American, he tried Root Beer for the first time. 
"Why is it called beer?  It's not anything like beer," he asked.
"I don't know.  It has nothing to do with beer.  What do you think?"
"I think it is something you could get used to..." he said contemplatively.
(Hysterical laughter from me.)
"Oh shit.  This is going on your blog."

Living Up to My Name

According to Radek, I am "the girl who will not stop talking."  Therefore, I must immediately begin telling the world about everything that occurs during his trip to the Americas. 

Since Radek had been eating airplane food for two days, and I had eaten virtually nothing due to my excitement, we were very hungry and decided to eat out.  Hamburgers were the obvious choice because they are iconic to America.  We ended up at Kitchen 56, an old auto-shop which has been renovated into a trendy upscale restaurant.  I ordered the kale and quinoa salad, and Radek got the green chile double-burger with fries.  While he delicately sliced tiny pieces on his fork, I told him that if he really wanted to be an American, he should pick it up with his hands to eat it.  He smiled and replied, "I must retain some dignity."

Europeans are not used to tipping because their restaurant staff is already paid a decent wage.  American servers know this and groan at the sight of a large European party, knowing that the tip will be minimal to nonexistent.  When the check arrived, Radek asked, "Please, explain tipping in America."  I told him that customers tip between 10 & 20%.  He wondered what this was based upon.  I said: the service, the food, the waiting time, everything.  I advised him to tip 15% on the bill. 
He looked at the receipt and back at me wearily and said, "I have not slept in 48 hours, and now I must do this."
"You TEACH math!"
"Yes, but not calculations."
So, the girl who earned a C in math class quietly patted herself on the back while the engineer struggled to determine the sum.

I learned a new German word.  Groß.  It means "big."  The weird B is pronounced with an "s," so the word sounds like "gross."  There are now many groß things in my apartment.  Groß man.  Groß shoes....

Tahoe was suspicious of this large intruder.  This was an obvious threat because I was now paying attention to someone other than him.  The girls hid under the bed until night time, at which point they got the courage to prowl around.  Radek noticed this and said, "The wildlife has come out."  It did not take long for Greta to befriend Radek by positioning herself directly in front of him with her "You may pet me now" pose.

Harvest Feast

Thanksgiving, that most American of all holidays, is a day meant to ponder all the things for which you are grateful.  However, as everyone knows, it is really about watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the National Dog Show, and most importantly - eating.  Lots and lots of eating.  I was in charge of dip and salad.  My mom told me that I should make the salad because it is my "specialty."  I'm not sure what that means, but I have my suspicions.

I made a rich and creamy pumpkin dip which contained more cream cheese and sugar than you really want to know.

The salad was a blend of leafy greens, apples, cranberries, walnuts, and bleu cheese.  I also made roasted butternut squash which everyone ignored because they think squash is something you do to a scorpion.

The prince of Thanksgiving is the turkey, and dad's job is carving it.  Then, nobody had to see the bones, and they could pretend it wasn't a dead bird.

My plate shows that all the starchy food groups were well represented: potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, and bread. 

When it came time to bring out the pumpkin pie and slather it with whipped cream, dad sprayed some in Owen's mouth.  He was delighted with the sugary foam, and wanted more.  Jackson's reaction was a bit different.  He was shocked when a white puff suddenly filled his mouth and started crying.

Hey, That's Me!

Although most of my writing is web-based, and I have some sense of where it will end up, I really never know if or when it will be published.  Today, I accidentally came across an article I wrote.  Since I do ghostwriting, it doesn't have my name, but still, it's cool to see my words in print.  After a bit more searching, I found two more. 

Travel Tips Article
Ultralight Tents
Alberta


 

Will Work for Cat Food

Long-Haired, Freaky Person Wants to Apply!

That's my new tagline.  What's a tagline?  Well, it's only the newest trend in résumé writing.  I think my tagline will attract attention AND show I have good taste in music.  Plus, I don't think it can make anything worse since my current résumé has not done a lot for me in terms of getting a job.  You would think that someone with 17 years experience and a Master's degree would have endless possibilities on the horizon.  Unfortunately, no.

I'm getting used to rejection now.  However, I do prefer it when companies ignore my job inquiry rather than when they provide a response.  It's much worse when they tell me that they don't want me working for them.  Of course, they don't say it like that.  They always say something like, "We're going in another direction."

I received a particularly irritating email today.  It said, "We carefully review all applications and consider each person for current or future opportunities.  We are moving forward with other candidates for this position."

Damn.  That says a lot.  First of all, they carefully reviewed it.  It wasn't just thrown in the trash.  Secondly, they didn't want to even bother with an interview.  Thirdly, I am not only unemployable now, but I also have no chance in the future.  Wait.  It gets worse.  This was from The Container Store.  That means I am unfit to sell plastic boxes with lids. 

I discussed my problem with a friend because it's probably a good idea to get a normal person's point of view.
"I keep blowing my interviews."  (pouting)
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, they seem interested in me until I actually talk to them." 
"What did you do?  Did you try to be funny?"
"I was really serious during the second one.  Oh.  Um, I did make a joke...during both interviews."
"You probably shouldn't do that."
"But they laughed."
"Oh my God.  Now, I understand why you were so excited about that part-time cashier position.  Did you make a joke during that interview too."
"Yes.  And I also did jazz hands."
"I don't even know what that is."
(I waved my hands in the air while making a really big smile.)
"Why would you do that?"
"To express my sparkly personality."

Upon reflection, I have decided that I am the victim of discrimination.  I'm not sure what kind yet.  Possibly because I'm a woman.  Maybe it's agism.  Or the fact that I'm so beautiful.  All I know for sure is that it can't be the fact that I say things aloud before thinking.